4th of July 2015: Premium Walkthrough

4th of July 2015 just hit, and with only 24 hours to go on act 1 of the event, EA gave us a new president to add to our collection, Richard Nixon. What does the other presidents think of the the least-great president on Springfield? Find out right after the jump for the premium walkthrough!

When you log in the game, Gil will appear in town, with a indicator_4thofjuly2015 mark over his head. After tapping on it, he’ll offer Richard Nixon!

55px-Tapped_Out_Gil_IconOl’ Gil has returned to Springfield with something both amazing and physics-defying.
55px-Tapped_Out_Gil_IconWith the power of my non-patented snake oiled time machine, I give you everyone’s… eh… “favorite” Commander-In-Chief!
sidebar_richardnixon…shall resign the Presidency effective at noon tomorrow. Vice President Ford will be sworn in as President-
70px-Tapped_Out_Lisa_IconIt must be that time of year again. Another ex-President has somehow appeared in Springfield.
70px-Tapped_Out_Lisa_IconPresident Nixon, welcome to the year 2015. It’s an honor to… that is to say, it’s nice to… er, it’s actually not that great to meet you.
70px-Tapped_Out_Lisa_IconWell, uh… kinda.
70px-Tapped_Out_Lisa_IconPretty much.
sidebar_richardnixonThen the plan worked. And America is safe. Thank God Almighty for that.
70px-Tapped_Out_Lisa_IconWait… plan? What plan?
55px-Tapped_Out_Gil_IconWhat plan is former President Nixon referring to? What’s the real story behind America’s worst political scandal?
55px-Tapped_Out_Gil_IconAnd what do George Washington and Abraham Lincoln think of our most reviled President? Build the Scandal-gate Hotel to find out!

If the user denies:
55px-Tapped_Out_Gil_IconWhat kind of a patriot doesn’t purchase Richard Nixon on the Fourth of July? He’s America’s forty-fourth most beloved President!
55px-Tapped_Out_Gil_IconTo be honest, I get it. I really do. I tried to get ANYONE but Nixon. Called up Jefferson, Grant, both Roosevelts….
55px-Tapped_Out_Gil_IconBut their royalty fees are too high. It’s hard to get the prestigious ones. They’re not as desperate.
55px-Tapped_Out_Gil_IconI did manage to sell six Nixons, at least. I hope ol’ Gil can live off that income for an entire year….

If the user accepts:
sidebar_richardnixonThe Scandal-gate Hotel. What a groovy old crib. Make sure to order the Continental breakfast. It’s far out.
70px-Tapped_Out_Lisa_IconGee, I wouldn’t expect you to remember this place so fondly, Mr. President.
sidebar_richardnixonDick Nixon tries not to live in the past. The great karmic wheel turns ever onward, carrying us where it will. Just sit back and dig the ride, little sister.
70px-Tapped_Out_Lisa_Icon“Dig the ride?” Are you, like, doing a character right now?
sidebar_richardnixonThis is the real Nixon, baby. The “character” was the stuffed-shirt phony you knew as your President. That was all an act to keep “The Man” off Dick Nixon’s back.
70px-Tapped_Out_Lisa_IconSo this is how you actually talk? It’s seriously not a joke?
sidebar_richardnixonNow that I’m out of the political game, I can finally let my freak flag fly. Right on. Right. On.
70px-Tapped_Out_Lisa_IconIt’s actually pretty annoying. If you don’t mind my saying so.
sidebar_richardnixonHey, you gotta speak your truth. Now let’s go get some beers.
70px-Tapped_Out_Lisa_IconI’m an eight-year-old girl!
sidebar_richardnixonNixon got a Presidential pardon. That means Nixon and all his good buddies can do whatever they want.
70px-Tapped_Out_Lisa_IconThat’s not how that works.
sidebar_richardnixonWhatever. Politics are dumb. I’m Audi 5000.

If you accept the offer, a questline with Richard Nixon will start.

Scandal-gate Pt. 1

Richard Nixon starts

55px-Tapped_Out_Kent_Brockman_IconThis just in! Last night, a break-in occurred at the historic Scandal-gate Hotel.
55px-Tapped_Out_Kent_Brockman_IconThe thieves raided the headquarters of the Springfield Botanical Society, making off with $9.78 in petty cash and some packets of seeds.
55px-Tapped_Out_Kent_Brockman_IconSeveral of the seed packets were for petunias. I don’t know why that detail is considered relevant by the half-wits who wrote this copy for me to read off the teleprompter.
sidebar_richardnixonA break-in at the Scandal-gate? It’s happening again…
sidebar_wiggumI’ll get my best man on it. My best man is not very good, unfortunately. He’s terrible. But he’s a slightly better man than my other men, who are all shockingly bad men.

Task: Make Richard Nixon Turn Himself In
Time: 4h
If the user has Police Station: Location: Police Station
If the user doesn’t have Police Station: Location: Scandal-gate Hotel

On job start:

sidebar_richardnixonLook no further, copper! Nixon is your man. Nixon is behind this heinous crime.
sidebar_wiggumIsn’t that impossible? You just beamed into town like five minutes ago.
sidebar_richardnixonNixon did it, and now he’s orchestrating a vast cover-up to hide his involvement. This thing goes all the way to the top.
70px-Tapped_Out_Lisa_IconMr. President, why are you trying to take the blame for something you obviously didn’t do?
sidebar_richardnixonNixon obviously did so do it. Nixon’s behind this despicable political attack. Arrest Nixon.

On job end:

70px-Tapped_Out_Lisa_IconWhat political reason could there be for you to target a group of elderly gardening enthusiasts?
sidebar_richardnixonFollow the money.
70px-Tapped_Out_Lisa_IconNine dollars and seventy-eight cents? THAT money?
sidebar_richardnixonI know! Nixon must be a lunatic. But he definitely did it. Just like in 1972.

Scandal-gate Pt. 2

Richard Nixon starts

70px-Tapped_Out_Lisa_IconMr. President, now that we’re alone, please tell me why you’re taking the fall for the break-in at the Scandal-gate?
sidebar_richardnixonI have to. Just like I had to in 1972. To protect the American people.
70px-Tapped_Out_Lisa_IconBut you WERE behind that break-in! Everybody knows that. There were YEARS of investigations, THOUSANDS of articles…
sidebar_richardnixonAll lies, planted by the jive turkeys who were really behind it. They were running scared. Because Nixon and his friends had cracked the case.
sidebar_richardnixonDick Nixon, you see, is a master detective. Nixon makes Sherlock Holmes look like a blithering idiot. And Nixon filled his White House with fellow super-sleuths.
sidebar_richardnixonEhrlichman, John Dean, Haldeman and Nixon called ourselves “The Mystery Solvers Club.” We had closed hundreds of cases the fuzz deemed “unsolvable.”
sidebar_richardnixonAt night, we prowled the streets of D.C., magnifying glasses in hand, collecting clues.
sidebar_richardnixonBut when, in 1972, we realized the truth behind the break-in, we decided it was too big, too terrible to ever get out.
sidebar_richardnixonThe American people need to believe in their government. But they also need the bad guys to get caught. So we let ourselves BECOME the bad guys.
sidebar_richardnixonIt’s like in “The Dark Knight” when Batman lets himself be framed for the murder of Harvey Dent. Nixon is pretty sure that’s based on Nixon, by the way.
70px-Tapped_Out_Lisa_IconI’ve never seen it.
sidebar_richardnixonNever seen “The Dark Knight?” How is that even possible? It’s like my seventh-favorite movie EVER. Come on. We’re watching it right now.

Task: Make Richard Nixon Watch “The Dark Knight”
Task: Make Lisa Watch “The Dark Knight”
Time: 6h
Location: Simpson Home

Scandal-gate Pt. 3

Richard Nixon starts

sidebar_richardnixonNOW do you see, Lisa? NOW do you dig how Dick Nixon is maybe an even better Batman than Christian Bale?
70px-Tapped_Out_Lisa_IconNot really. What WAS this horrible truth you were trying to keep from the American people?
sidebar_richardnixonIn Washington, nothing is as it seems. What you think you know, you don’t. And what you definitely don’t know, you do.
sidebar_richardnixonTell me — who are the LAST two people you would ever expect to be the masterminds of the break-in?
70px-Tapped_Out_Lisa_IconGeez, I don’t know… Probably Woodward and Bernstein?

Task: Make Richard Nixon Blow Everyone’s Minds
Task: Make Lisa Get her Mind Blown
Time: 1h
Location: Scandal-gate Hotel

Scandal-gate Pt. 4

Lisa starts

70px-Tapped_Out_Lisa_IconWoodward and Bernstein were crusading, intrepid reporters who re-established the rule of law in Washington!
sidebar_richardnixonThey were conservative operatives posing as reporters, at a hardline neo-Fascist think tank posing as The Washington Post.
sidebar_richardnixonIt says so on the masthead: “The Washington Post is a front for a hardline neo-Fascist think tank.” Why doesn’t anyone ever read the masthead?
70px-Tapped_Out_Lisa_IconWell, it’s kind of small print. I assumed it wasn’t that important…
sidebar_richardnixonAnyway, those reactionaries had to do SOMETHING to stop me. They knew about my second-term agenda.
70px-Tapped_Out_Lisa_IconWhich was?
sidebar_richardnixonPlease understand that Nixon’s biography is a lie. Nixon grew up on an anarchist Marxist Buddhist hippie commune on the upper slopes of Mount Everest.
70px-Tapped_Out_Lisa_IconWhere the air is far too thin to breathe…
sidebar_richardnixonShut up.
70px-Tapped_Out_Lisa_IconYou’re insane.

Task: Make Lisa Sulk
Time: 45s
Location: Simpson Home

Scandal-gate Pt. 5

Richard Nixon starts

sidebar_richardnixonAnyway, Nixon spent decades deep undercover as a Republican. All to set up my glorious second term. I called it: “The Love Agenda.”
sidebar_richardnixonWe were gonna press the “reset” button on America. No more military, no more money. No more “rich” and “poor.”
sidebar_richardnixonNo more “police.” No more “fire department” or “hospitals.” Just people, you know? Hanging out, digging on good music and positive vibes.
70px-Tapped_Out_Lisa_IconThat’s a great system. Very well thought out.
sidebar_richardnixonThen Woodward and Bernstein caught wind of it, and eighty-sixed the whole beautiful vision.
sidebar_richardnixonBut we’ll get there. People are too damn groovy not to get there.
70px-Tapped_Out_Lisa_IconI really hope you’re wrong about that.
sidebar_richardnixonIn fact, I’m gonna go soak up some love right now. Later, square.
70px-Tapped_Out_Lisa_IconSo long, Another Intensely Disappointing Ex-President.

Task: Make Richard Nixon Wave to the People
Time: 12h

System Message: Unlock Washington and Lincoln to see what our greatest Presidents think of our least-great President!

If you’ve Quimby unlocked, a small one-part quest will also unlock.

Narcissism 101

Quimby starts

sidebar_quimbyMr. Nixon, sir? As a career politician with a deep commitment to serving the needs of myself, I am honored to meet you.
sidebar_richardnixonThe pleasure is all Nixon’s, Nixon’s main man.
sidebar_quimbyI was wondering — as a relative novice in the ways of political wrongdoing, might I pick your brain for a bit? With all humility, of course…
sidebar_richardnixonNixon apologizes if this seems indiscreet, but, what is this “I” word you use to indicate you are discussing yourself?
sidebar_quimbyEr ah… the first person singular. Indicating the speaker is referring to him- or herself.
sidebar_richardnixonDick Nixon is not familiar with this particular turn of phrase. Dick Nixon feels that it connotes weakness in the speaker.
sidebar_quimbyBut isn’t it — forgive me, oh Vile Sachem — kind of mandatory? An inescapable convention of — by your pardon, oh Satanic Sage — the English language?
sidebar_richardnixonWell, Dick Nixon doesn’t claim that Richard M. Nixon has a scholar’s grasp of grammatical rules.
sidebar_richardnixonBut it seems to Richard Milhouse Nixon that–
Milhouse: Hey! My name is Milhouse!
sidebar_richardnixonGo away, blue child.
sidebar_richardnixon–anyway, it seems to Nixon that a great leader should always separate himself from the rules of grammar, or, it seems, all reasonable behavior.
sidebar_quimbyI will learn… er, that is, Quimby will learn this moronic lesson well.

Task: Make Quimby Practice Speaking in the Third Person
Time: 6h
Location: Town Hall

If you unlocked all three presidents (Richard Nixon, George Washington and Abraham Lincoln), a final quest will unlock.

Who Led Them Better

Richard Nixon starts

sidebar_richardnixonWhat it is, Abe?
Tapped_Out_Abraham_Lincoln_IconRichard Nixon! What in the blazes are you doing here?
sidebar_richardnixonGot sucked into a time vortex or something. Same as you.
George Washington HeadIs that Dick Nixon?
George Washington HeadI hate that dude.
Tapped_Out_Abraham_Lincoln_IconHe’s not the best.
sidebar_richardnixonWhoa, daddy-os! We’re all ex-Presidents here. Why the cold shoulder?
George Washington HeadGee, I don’t know… maybe because you very nearly destroyed the government I worked so hard to build?
Tapped_Out_Abraham_Lincoln_IconYeah, the same government I gave my LIFE for.
George Washington Head
George Washington HeadIt’s just… we know, okay? We know you got assassinated.
Tapped_Out_Abraham_Lincoln_IconWell, I did.
George Washington HeadYou just don’t have to mention it in like every conversation, is all.
Tapped_Out_Abraham_Lincoln_IconOh, I’m sorry if my taking a bullet to the head is so unpleasant for you. I can assure you, it was far worse from where I was sitting.
George Washington HeadLook. It’s not a competition: “Who was a better President, Abe or George?” You’ve got nothing to prove. So relax.
Tapped_Out_Abraham_Lincoln_IconI didn’t realize that my sacrifice — THE GREATEST SACRIFICE A MAN CAN MAKE, BY THE WAY — was something I should be ashamed of. So sorry.
George Washington HeadWhatever. Drop it.
sidebar_richardnixonWhoa! Getting a little icy in here, boys. Whaddya say we take it down a notch, and all kick back with our favorite pastimes?

Task: Make George Washington Try to Cut Down a Cherry Tree
Time: 12h
Location: Ye Olde Cherry Tree
Task: Make Abraham Lincoln Split Rails
Time: 8h
Location: Lincoln’s Cabin
Task: Make Richard Nixon Bowl Around Town
Time: 4h

Tapped_Out_Abraham_Lincoln_IconGeorge, we can argue for eternity about which of us was the greatest, but at least we agree on one thing.
George Washington HeadNixon was the worst.
sidebar_richardnixonCome on, it wasn’t all bad! I opened up China to the West. That was HUGE.
George Washington HeadThat’s your thing, isn’t it? Like how Lincoln always mentions he got shot. You’re all: “sure, I disgraced the office, but remember China! What about China?”
Tapped_Out_Abraham_Lincoln_IconHe does bring it up a lot.
George Washington HeadSo pathetic.
Tapped_Out_Abraham_Lincoln_IconBut seriously, George, for the record — I DID get shot.
George Washington HeadJust stop.

Finally, if you buy the Presidential Estate, a small quest will appear for Homer and (if you have him) Bart.

One Last Presidential Prank

Homer starts

Homer HeadBe back in five minutes, Marge. Bart and I are gonna egg the Presidential Estate.
Marge HeadThat doesn’t seem very patriotic of you. I thought you admired the President?
Homer HeadI did! For his first six months in office. Then, like all Americans, I realized that he’s the problem with everything.
Homer HeadAnd on and on the cycle goes.
Homer HeadAnyway, it’s free speech or something. You do want our son to learn about free speech, don’t you?
Marge HeadI guess. Just don’t use the organic eggs. They’re expensive.

Task: Make Homer Egg the Presidential Estate
If the user has Bart: Task: Make Bart Egg the Presidential Estate
Time: 3h
Location: Presidential Estate

This is all for now, join us tomorrow for Act 2 of the Tap Ball event! Happy tapping!


Leave a comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s