The Purge… of High Prices! (Day1)
Auto starts on November 25th
Marge: What’s that rumbling? Homer, are you brewing your own booze again?
Homer: Not yet, but I soon will be because it’s Black Friday: the day people riot for meager savings. Even on home brewing kits.
Lisa: Oh, no! That means…
Gil: Ol’ Gil’s back with more stuff than he can fit in his cardboard box slash house slash office slash fire hazard!
Lisa: How can you be a part of a capitalist practice that gets rowdy enough to have its own death count?
Gil: There’s very few deaths, just lots of light trampling. And if someone dies, I’m at their funeral, pocketing cheese cubes like there’s no tomorrow.
Gil: Thanks, crafty consumer! What better way to be thankful, than to have more THINGS to be thankful for! Materialism’s the best… I’ve heard.
Gil: Oh, it’s just like the old Black Fridays, when they’d lay me off before the paychecks were cut. They said I wasn’t worth the envelope.
The Purge… of High Prices! (Day2)
Gil: Ol’ Gil’s here to fan the flames with riot-provoking prices on things he can’t afford!
Lisa: Black Friday exploits the desperation of the ninety-nine percent, making them scrap and fight for discounts of ten percent. Like everything, this is about injustice and math.
Gil: Not today. I’m offering bargain basement prices! I got the idea because I once lived in a basement. Whenever it flooded or the radiator boiled over, I got myself a free bath!
Gil: No better way to stick it to those fat cats than having Gil join their social elite. Speaking of, my Thanksgiving dinner last year was a fat cat.
Gil: Tasted horrible.
Gil: But if you don’t spend money, Big Business wins! More importantly, Gil loses!
The Purge… of High Prices! (Day3)
Gil: It’s Black Friday and ol’ Gil is pulling out all the stops! Everything must go! Prices are being evicted just like I’ve been!
Marge: This sale has gotten out of hand. I don’t feel safe leaving my own home.
Gil: Then oh boy, has Gil got the solution for you: arms and armaments, priced as low as your kids’ allowance!
Gil: Nothing says “keep off the grass” like a weapon of mass destruction!
Gil: Don’t blame me the next time you incite an angry mob and have no way of fending them off.
Gil: That’s how I lost my bindle. And my kidney.
Auto starts on November 28th
Marge: Well, we survived another Black Friday unscathed.
Homer: I got a little scathed.
Lisa: Uh… aren’t you guys forgetting something?
Gil: It’s Cyber Monday! Because the one thing Black Friday needed was more of it!
Marge: Haven’t you done enough? This rampant consumerism has alienated us from all our friends. Or in my case, acquaintances.
Gil: Who needs friends, when ol’ Gil is selling the Friend two-point-oh! He’s a companion, butler and paperweight, all rolled into one.
Gil: You won’t be sorry. When the robot apocalypse comes, you’ll have a man on the inside!
Gil: Fine, who needs you! Gil will keep this little buddy for himself. You an’ me will be inseparable, ol’ chum.
C.H.U.M.: I’m not supposed to be here. Please reconsider. And shower.
Join us next time for more info on this event, happy tapping!