Winter 2016: Act 2 Premium Kwik-Tap Guide

Tree witches, The Wiccans, a dunking device, a burning goat and some mysterious presents are the premium items for act 2. Join us right after the jump for the kwik-tap guide of Act 2 Premium items.

Out of the Broom Closet Pt. 1

The Wiccans starts

Wiccan Girl 1: Springfield! Your wiccans have returned!
Wiccan Girl 1: Behold the awesome power of Wicca, which includes casting spells to make boys like you, and listening to the Smiths!
Wiccan Girl 2: We must educate these people. Perhaps an informative website? With a spooky splash page!
Wiccan Girl 3: We could call it “wiccapedia”!

Task: Make the Wiccans Build Wiccapedia
Time: 8h
Location: Brown House

Ned: Are you the founders of this “wiccapedia” website?
Wiccan Girl 1: Yes we are! Do you want to be our acolyte? Try these black lace gloves on.
Ned: Unglove me, heathens! You worship Satan!
Wiccan Girl 2: The Horned Stag is not Satan! He is Springface friends with Satan, but it’s a strictly professional relationship.

Out of the Broom Closet Pt. 2

The Wiccans starts

Wiccan Girl 1: Sisters, we have to show the people of Springfield that Wicca is a religion of positivity.
Wiccan Girl 2: And making boys like you with spells.
Wiccan Girl 1: Right. Let us heal this town’s prejudices with a spell of cleansing.
Wiccan Girl 2: And let us specifically cleanse the boy called Dolph. And his dreamy hair.

Task: Make the Wiccans Cast a Spell
Time: 4h

Rev. Lovejoy: Now see here! There is no place for witchcraft in our good town!
Wiccan Girl 2: If you know a counter-spell, go ahead and cast it.
Rev. Lovejoy: Well, uh, they don’t teach us spells in Divinity School.
Wiccan Girl 3: Too bad! You want us to teach you some?
Rev. Lovejoy: Uh… later. Not while Ned Flanders is looking.
Ned: I’m always watching, Reverend!

Out of the Broom Closet Pt. 3

The Wiccans starts

Wiccan Girl 1: Sisters, our message isn’t getting through. We must ask Mother Nature for guidance.
Wiccan Girl 2: Question. Ever wonder if “Nature” isn’t an entity, so much as the inevitable result of biological and physical rules?
Wiccan Girl 2: And that we anthropomorphize Nature as a sort of lazy excuse not to study these sciences?
Wiccan Girl 3: Nope.
Wiccan Girl 2: Me neither. Okay, good. Just checking. Let’s talk to her.

Task: Make the Wiccans Worship Nature
Time: 12h
Location: Brown House

Wiccan Girl 3: Wow. Mother Nature sure had a lot to say to me. Same for you ladies?
Wiccan Girl 1: Oh, for sure. I seriously couldn’t get her to shut up.
Wiccan Girl 2: I was worried she wouldn’t talk to me, and then I’d have to lie to you guys and say she did, but that’s not what happened at all.

Out of the Broom Closet Pt. 4

The Wiccans starts

Wiccan Girl 3: The answer is clear. We need a fourth member of our coven.
Wiccan Girl 2: Only a fourth can complete the circle.
Wiccan Girl 1: Everyone knows a circle has four sides. That’s just math.

Task: Make the Wiccans Look for the Fourth
Time: 24h
Location: Springfield Library

Wiccan Girl 2: Hello, little girl. Mother Nature has led us to you. You… are the fourth.
Lisa: I’m the what now?
Wiccan Girl 1: There is no doubt. YOU are the fourth, Lisa Simpson.
Lisa: I can see two problems with that… One, I’m eight. Two, I’m not allowed to go into the woods with strangers.
Lisa: Oh, and three, I think wicca is super, super, super dumb.
Wiccan Girl 3: Yes, that is rather a lot of “supers.”
Lisa: I even cut a few. To spare your dumb feelings.

Out of the Broom Closet Pt. 5

The Wiccans starts

Wiccan Girl 1: What’ll it take to make a witch out of you, Lisa? Isn’t there SOMETHING that you want?
Lisa: Look, unless you can get me early acceptance to Vassar, or convince my Dad to buy me a pony–
Wiccan Girl 2: One pony, coming up.
Lisa: Wait. What?
Wiccan Girl 3: We can enchant your father to buy you a pony. Easy.
Lisa: Do this for me, ladies, and I will be the witchiest witch that ever stirred a cauldron.

Task: Make the Wiccans Perform an Esbat
Time: 1h

Homer: Lisa, look what I got! It’s a pony… keg.
Lisa: Wow. Way to go, gals. You bewitched my father into buying the thing he loves most in the world.
Homer: I was at Moe’s. I’d just bought a beer, when suddenly, I felt this overwhelming urge to buy even more beer. It was magical!
Lisa: I’m sorry, but I can’t join your coven. But so there’s no hard feelings, I found you a fourth girl to complete your circle.
Wiccan Girl 1: Really? Oh, Lisa, that’s wonderful!
Agnes: Buckle up, witches. Because this coven is about to get DARK and WEIRD. Hah hah!

Dunking Device

Homer starts

Homer: Finally, an honest-to-goodness carnival ride. Me first!
Lisa: Dad, that’s a dunking chair… it was a way to test if someone was a witch.
Lisa: If you sank, you were innocent. But if you floated, then you were a witch.
Homer: The wisdom of the ancients…
Lisa: There’s nothing wise about it!
Homer: Hey, I wonder if I’m a witch…

Task: Make Homer Prove He’s Not A Witch
Time: 4h
Location: Dunking Device

Homer: Good news, everybody! I’m not a witch!
Lisa: Is that news to you?
Homer: Sure, I’ve always ASPIRED not to be a witch. But to KNOW I’m not… it’s pretty special.
Homer: I mean, I’ve met Satan on a couple different Halloweens. Who knows what kind of boneheaded contract I might’ve signed?
Homer: That’s the one downside when you’re a guy who loves to drink, will sign anything, and hangs out with Satan.

Giant Burning Goat

Homer starts

Homer: You know what we don’t have enough of, in this town?
Marge: Leisure activities for moms and kids?
Bart: Terrorist cells that will accept ten-year-old boys?
Lisa: Social services, decent schools, low-income housing, hope…
Homer: Enormous, flaming monoliths!
Lisa: We actually have a disproportionately large number of flaming buildings in this town, based on the national average.

Task: Tap the Burning Goat Statue

Homer: Isn’t it beautiful?
Lisa: How much gasoline did you put in there?
Homer: A piece of advice from your dad, Lisa. A fire can always be bigger.

Mystery Gift Bonanza

Auto starts on December 21st

System Message: Christmas is coming early this year. Get all your Christmas goodies in the store now!
System Message: And for a limited time, the more you buy, the more mystery goodies you get!

Task: Open a Silver Mystery Present
Reward: 10 XP 25 Gift Vouchers
Note: Any Mystery Present can be bought to complete it!

Join us next time for more info on this event, happy tapping!


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