Homer the Heretic: Premium Kwik-Tap Guide

Homer the Heretic has finally brought us Rabbi Krustofsky, and with him his temple, Borther Faith and his van. Join us right after the jump for the kwik-tap guide of the premium items of the event!

Feel the Powah Pt. 1

Brother Faith starts

Brother Faith: I’m baaaaaaack!
Brother Faith: That reference is so old I actually have no idea where it comes from.
Bart: Sorry, Brother Faith, but I don’t think it’ll be so easy this time to trick Springfielders with your “miracles”. They’re a lot more skeptical these days.
Brother Faith: Skeptical? Why’s that?
Gil: Heyyyyy, everybody! I’ve got a ONCE IN A LIFETIME deal for you today!!! This amazing premium pencil will CHANGE YOUR LIFE!!! I swear! But it’s only available for a limited time at the AMAZING BARGAIN PRICE of 20,000 donuts!!!!
Brother Faith: Yikes. If I wanna convince the locals, looks like I better pull out the big guns!

Task: Make Brother Faith Ride on a Cloud
Time: 24h
Task: Make Springfielders Reject Gil’s “Special Offers” [x5]
Time: 4h
Location: First Church of Springfield

Otto: Cool, that dude’s riding on a cloud!
God: Whoa! How does he do that?

Feel the Powah Pt. 2

Brother Faith starts

Brother Faith: Bart, I get that as a post-Millennial, you’re even more skeptical than Descartes’ Second Meditation.
Brother Faith: But I’ve figured out the perfect way to bring the message of the Lord to the younger generation!
Bart: Unfunny MyTube videos giving make-up tips?
Brother Faith: Even better: Holy Karaoke!
Bart: Sorry, but karaoke was already played out when Corden stole it from Fallon. Or when Fallon stole it from Corden. Or when they both stole it from whomever stole it before them.
Brother Faith: Fine, regular karaoke might be a little uncool… but not SNAPTALK HASTYGRAMMED KARAOKE POSTED ON MYTUBE!

Task: Make Brother Faith Post His Snaptalk Hastygrammed Karaoke
Time: 4h
Location: Brother Faith Van

Brother Faith: So Bart, do you feel the power now?
Bart: Yep: the power of modern technology to make below-amateur-quality “entertainment” available to millions worldwide.

Feel the Powah Pt. 3

Brother Faith starts

Brother Faith: You were right, it’s a tough crowd here.
Bart: Told you.
Brother Faith: But I’ve come up with a miracle that’s guaranteed to convince everyone.
Bart: Really? What?
Brother Faith: Well… not really a miracle. A visual spectacle the likes of which idiots… er, upstanding citizens cannot resist.

Task: Make Brother Faith Preach with Song and Dance
Time: 8h
Note: If the task doesn’t appear, complete Homer the Heretic Pt. 3 first.

Brother Faith: So now that you’ve seen a real miracle, are you gonna come to my miracle show at the new First Church of Springfield?
Bart: Oh what? Sorry, some clown bored me to death with a lame song about faith.
Bart: You’ve lost your touch, Faith Man. There’s no way even the biggest sucker in this town is being fooled by you again.

Feel the Powah Pt. 4

Brother Faith starts

Brother Faith: Can I get an AMEN?
Barney: Can I get another whiskey on the rocks?
Brother Faith: My friend, that won’t heal you.
Barney: You’re right. Can I get TWO whiskeys on the rocks?
Carl: Amen to that!

Task: Make Springfielders Get Healed at Moe’s [x5]
Time: 4h
Location: Moe’s Tavern

Feel the Powah Pt. 5

Brother Faith starts

Lisa: Mom, Brother Faith is at the door. He wants to know if we’d like a “free healing session.”
Marge: Tell him we’re not interested. We’ll leave our health in the hands of science, thank you very much.
Marge: Now take your daily dose of St. John’s Wort!

Task: Make Marge Give “Health” Supplements with No Proven Effectiveness
Time: 4h
Location: Simpson House
Task: Make Lisa Flush Supplements Down the Toilet
Time: 4h
Location: Simpson House

On January 9th, Temple Beth Springfield unlocks in the store. Building it earns you Rabbi Krustofsky. A small intro will start on that day to introduce the new item in the store.

Rabbi Krustofsky Intro

Auto starts

Rabbi Krustofsky: Hey God, little favor to ask you: can I go down and help get my son Krusty back on the path to righteousness?
God: Not up to me. It’s up to Sky Finger.
Rabbi Krustofsky: THAT’S not up to you? Then what do you do, exactly?
God: Help professional sports teams win games so they can thank me in the post-game interviews!
System Message: Rabbi Krustofsky and his synagogue are now available in the store!

You Say Rabbi, I Say Hello Pt. 1

Rabbi Krustofsky starts

Rabbi Krustofsky: Hello, Krusty.
Krusty: AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Rabbi Krustofsky: No need to worry — it’s me, your father, visiting from Heaven.
Krusty: Phew. I thought it was me from the future and I’d become a rabbi.

Task: Make Rabbi Krustofsky Attempt a Ghostly Hug and Pass Right Through
Time: 4h
Location: Temple Beth Springfield
Requires: Krusty

Rabbi Krustofsky: So, do you want to know what death feels like?
Krusty: I know what it’s like to die — I performed in blackface once at the Apollo.

You Say Rabbi, I Say Hello Pt. 2

Rabbi Krustofsky starts

Rabbi Krustofsky: So what do you usually order at this restaurant?
Krusty: The roasted pork, pork and beans, and the pork soup. All served in a plate made from a melted-down menorah.
Rabbi Krustofsky: Oy vey. Don’t they have anything kosher here?
French Waiter: Pardon, we do not. But we do have something that tastes like kosher!
French Waiter: One large bowl of dirt, rapidement!

Task: Make Hyman Grudgingly Admit that Kosher Food Tastes like Dirt
Time: 4h
Location: Temple Beth Springfield

You Say Rabbi, I Say Hello Pt. 3

Rabbi Krustofsky starts

Krusty: Thank God it’s Friday!
Rabbi Krustofsky: I will when I go back. I assume you’ll be resting on the Sabbath?
Krusty: Of course! I’ll lie on the couch to rest my body, and then I’ll put on college football to rest my mind, and then I’ll eat pizza to rest my hunger…
Krusty: And then in the evening I’ll go to the bar to rest my thirst, and then I’ll go clubbing to rest the part of me that doesn’t go clubbing.

Task: Make Rabbi Krustofsky Go to Shabbat Services
Time: 4h
Location: Temple Beth Springfield
Task: Make Krusty Get Bottle Service
Time: 4h
Location: Temple Beth Springfield

You Say Rabbi, I Say Hello Pt. 4

Rabbi Krustofsky starts

Rabbi Krustofsky: There’s a symposium on Israel at the Temple today. Want to check it out with me?
Krusty: Uh…sorry, I can’t. I’m busy studying the classic texts.
Rabbi Krustofsky: How wonderful! Let me see which ones.
Rabbi Krustofsky: Playboy from December 1984?
Krusty: Yep, a true classic: the Suzanne Somers issue!

Task: Make Krusty Hold the Centerfold Like a Torah
Time: 4h
Location: Temple Beth Springfield
Task: Make Rabbi Krustofsky Actually Read a Torah
Time: 4h
Location: Temple Beth Springfield

You Say Rabbi, I Say Hello Pt. 5

Rabbi Krustofsky starts

Rabbi Krustofsky: SURPRISE!!!!!!
Krusty: A surprise party? But it’s not my birthday.
Rabbi Krustofsky: This isn’t a birthday party. It’s your $150,000 Bar Mitzvah!
Krusty: But I already had a Bar Mitzvah.
Rabbi Krustofsky: Doesn’t matter. Like all Bar Mitzvahs, this is just an excuse for parents to impress their influential friends.
Abraham Lincoln: A cotton candy machine AND a make your own sundae bar? You da man, Krustofsky!

Task: Make Rabbi Krustofsky Say the Blessing Over the Chocolate Fountain
Time: 4h
Location: Temple Beth Springfield
Quest Reward: Chess Table

Play Chess

Auto starts

Task: Make Rabbi Krustofsky Play Chess
Time: 24h
Location: Chess Table

Join us next time for more info on this event, happy tapping!


1 thought on “Homer the Heretic: Premium Kwik-Tap Guide

  1. I tought I saww a wabby! I did, I DID!


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