Pride and Pageantry Intro
Homer: Flanders, what’s this big pumpkin-y looking pumpkin next to my hammock?
Ned: Praise the gourd! One of my seeds must’ve Exodus-ed its way to your yard and sprouted!
Homer: Well get it out of here, that’s where I throw my empty beer cans.
Ned: Surely! The dregs of your devil’s brew fertilized it into the biggest pumpkin of the bunch! It’s sure to win first prize at the County Fair.
Homer: Whoa, whoa, whoa, first prize? Are you trying to take credit for my hard work?! My yard, my pumpkin!
Homer: Now buzz off. Farmer Homer has to do some gardening.
Task: Make Homer Drink and Throw Empties Out the Window
Location: Simpson House
Task: Make Flanders Do Normal Gardening Work Like a Sucker
Location: Flanders Home
Ned: Wow, Homer, that pumpkin’s even bigger than before. You’ve sure got a green thumb!
Homer: I’ll show you ANOTHER finger if you keep bugging me while I’m drinking.
Pride and Pageantry Pt. 1
Homer: Out of the way, losers! Future award-winning pumpkin coming through!
Ned: Homer, that trash talking’s not really in the spirit of friendly competition.
Homer: Maybe if you paid more attention to your crops and less to my crap-talking, you’d have bigger gourds.
Ned: Could you at least try not to stomp on other contestants’ vegetables?
Quimby: Homer, your gourd is the largest.
Quimby: …but it’s technically more alcohol than pumpkin, so you are disqualified.
Quimby: …but your pumpkin won first place in the home brewing competition.
Pride and Pageantry Pt. 2
Quimby: This fair is not going well. The carnies aren’t even having turf wars!
Lisa: I have an idea to get people excited.
Quimby: Let me guess, Lisa, some sort of recycling drive?
Lisa: No, it’s–
Quimby: What, you want to knit a quilt for some second-tier disease no one’s heard of?
Lisa: No, that’s not what I–
Quimby: We don’t have time to listen to some dumb little girl’s ideas.
Lisa: I WAS TALKING ABOUT HAVING A BEAUTY PAGEANT!
Quimby: Everybody shut up, the dumb little girl has a great idea! Get my judging sash!
Task: Make Quimby Find His Sash That Says “JUDGE”
Location: Town Hall
Task: Make Lisa Prepare the Stage for the Pageant
Location: Town Hall
Task: Earn Prize Ribbons [x325]
Tuxedo Krusty: Welcome everyone, to the Little Miss Springfield Pageant!
Quimby: Did he say, “Little Miss”? This is not the pageant I wanted!
Marge: Lisa, honey, get off the stage. You can protest later.
Lisa: I’m not protesting the pageant — I’m in it!
Pride and Pageantry Pt. 3
Marge: Lisa, I’m happy you want to compete in the pageant, but… have you been eating your father’s booze pumpkin?
Lisa: Mom, I can only win so many spelling bees, geography bees, and bee-raising bees. I want to be in a fun contest with girls my own age.
Quimby: All the girls your own age dropped out because they thought you were going to throw paint on them to protest fake fur.
Lisa: Fake fur is manslaughter!
Quimby: Yes, well, since you’re the only one left, you are the new Little Miss Springfield.
Little Miss Springfield: Wow, I don’t know what to say!
Quimby: You can start by officiating the livestock competitions.
Little Miss Springfield: This magnificent bovine takes top prize!
Little Miss Springfield: What becomes of a prize-winning bull?
Farmer: Steak, hamburger, and — just between you and me — tofu.
Pride and Pageantry Pt. 4
Little Miss Springfield: I can’t choose the animals that get led to slaughter!
Quimby: You must! It says so in the bylaws. It also says you’re in charge of managing the town’s DVR.
Little Miss Springfield: County fairs should champion progressive values of the twenty-first century like organic foods, sustainable farms, and free-range livestock.
Farmer: I think you’re confusing the twenty-first century with the twentieth. Nowadays people only care about putting sriracha on things.
Ned: Normally, I’d side with Lisa, but I do love a burger topped with spicy chili sauce.
Homer: Finally, something stupid Flanders and I can agree on!
Homer: That hit the spot. I could go for a hot dog next!
Farmer: Those won’t be ready until the “Miscellaneous” animal category is judged.
Pride and Pageantry Pt. 5
Little Miss Springfield: This is terrible!
Farmer: Lisa, don’t think of yourself as the judge who sentenced these animals to slaughter. Think of yourself as a DIFFERENT judge who denied their appeal.
Little Miss Springfield: That’s it, I can’t sit by anymore while we butcher animals in the name of “community”.
Little Miss Springfield: It’s time to use a public position for something it was never intended for: a voice for change and awareness.
Farmer: Who knew the farmin’ business would be so controversial? First, they stole our markets, now this.
Farmer: If’n someone could find the funds to buy my place, well, they could have it, headache and all.
Little Miss Springfield: Is that so?
Join us next time for more info on this event, happy tapping!