The Invasion Before Christmas: Premium Walkthrough Part 6

Gil is back in town and is bringing us Jesus Christ! Join us right after the jump for his walkthrough!

Jesus’ Birthday Promo

Gil starts

Gil: Hey there, pal! How’d you like to help someone who’s had some pretty rough times?
Gil: I’m talking about Jesus Christ, of course!
Gil: So, help me show him we still remember his birthday!

On offer accepted:
Gil: Oh, wow. That’s what I inappropriately call a mitzvah.
Gil: Now I get to spend the holidays with the people I love… the blackjack dealers at Springfield Casino. I feel lucky, cha-cha-cha!

On offer declined:
Gil: No sale, huh? Boy, my boss is gonna be mad.
Gil: He told me if I didn’t make a sale I’d have to answer to Pontius Pilate.
Gil: I don’t know who that is, but I was kicked out of my last Pilates class for stealing the mats.


Joy to the Weird Pt. 1

Jesus Christ starts

Jesus Christ: Another birthday, and no one seems to remember.
Jesus Christ: It used to be a big deal. Carol singing, holiday sermons, solemn invocations…
Jesus Christ: Now it seems like it’s just a chance to watch college football.
Jesus Christ: Which reminds me, I’ve had a lot a lot of prayers from USC fans.
Jesus Christ: Guess I’ll give them, oh, a 15-yard punt return. More than they deserve.

Task: Make Jesus Feel Sad No One Remembers His Birthday
Time: 4h
Location: Heavenly Swing Set
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

Joy to the Weird Pt. 2

Jesus Christ starts

Jesus Christ: Enough sulking! I’ll disguise my holy essence and go among the people. I’ll find out what they’re doing instead of celebrating my birthday.
Jesus Christ: Hello, good tavern keeper. How are you spending the holiday?
Moe: I’m remembering all my failed relationships. Then as a treat I’ll either hang myself in the basement or stick my head in the oven.
Jesus Christ: Whoa, don’t do that! It’s a mortal sin! Isn’t there one family in this town who will take you in tonight?
Moe: Well, there’s Homer Simpson. He’s got a big enough bar tab I expect he’ll agree to anything.

Task: Make Jesus Take Moe to the Simpsons
Time: 4h
Location: Simpson House
Requires: Moe
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

Joy to the Weird Pt. 3

Jesus Christ starts

Jesus Christ: Hi, Simpsons. I’m a super-cool regular dude who doesn’t look anything like Jesus to you.
Jesus Christ: Bart, how are you honoring the holidays?
Bart: I’m playing a freemium game on my phone.
Jesus Christ: That doesn’t sound very religious.
Bart: You’d be surprised. There’s some deep stuff in here.
Jesus Christ: That I doubt.

Task: Make Jesus Cast Judgement
Time: 8h
Location: Heavenly Swing Set
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

Joy to the Weird Pt. 4

Jesus Christ starts

Jesus Christ: Lisa, what are you doing to celebrate Christmas? I ask as an apparently regular guy who doesn’t look anything like Jesus to you.
Lisa: I’m praying for good will and peace among the people of the world.
Jesus Christ: Oh! That sounds wonderfully me-ish. I mean, Christian.
Lisa: I’m Buddhist.
Jesus Christ: Okay. But suppose Jesus appeared right here in front of you right now? That’d have to change your mind, right?
Lisa: I dunno. There’s been an awful lot of holy visitations this December.

Task: Make Jesus Sulk
Time: 4h
Location: Heavenly Swing Set
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

Joy to the Weird Pt. 5

Jesus Christ starts

Jesus Christ: Homer and Marge, how are you spending the holidays?
Marge: Well, if you were Jesus…
Homer: Which you aren’t, because to us you don’t look anything like him…
Marge: We’d say we’re trying to remember You the best way we can in this noisy, selfish world…by watching an animated Christmas special.
Homer: But not a Simpsons Christmas episode. The people who do those are as cheaply cynical as they come.

Task: Make Jesus Forgive Everyone but the Simpsons Count: 1x
Time: 8h
Location: Heavenly Swing Set
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP

Join us next time for more info on this event, happy tapping!

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